may round-up

number one sports fan, book/cook/open tabs, and a podcast update

I knew I needed serious rest for May, but looking at the open list of health appointments, prescriptions filled, and insurance submissions needed, I am almost blown away.

To say my body crashed after leaving a really unhealthy working environment would be a severe understatement. Within days of leaving, I was diagnosed with the horribly named turf toe (I hate feet, that’s likely why I despise it), which is a ligament strain on your toe that severely restricts your range of motion. It was something I dismissed until the rest of my body started to crack after being released from so much tension: my face reacted explosively to my regular tinted SPF (chemical burn explosive), my hip fell back out of place, my ear got infected and closed up, and the turf toe was a gift that truly kept giving (in yoga class, in F45 lunges, on long walks with the baby).

I am a firm believer that your body holds a lot of your pent up frustrations, anxieties, stresses, and grief. If I’ve learned anything through intense grief periods, it’s to trust that my body will let me know when I need to slow it down (I am not good at mentally clocking this otherwise). I once asked a friend of mine who survived non-Hodgkin's lymphoma at 29 years old when she knew something was off in her body. Her response? “The universe will keep reminding you of a message, and it may start as a whisper, but it will end up a scream if you don’t listen fast enough.”

It’s stuck with me since.

Gratefully, May was much slower for me, though busy for my daughter. We became her number one sports fans as she started up a new tennis program, and prepared for her first track and field races. We had a trip planned to Montreal for the last week of May, which we cancelled upon learning her track and field meet would be right in the middle of the vacation. While my husband and I were disappointed, it also felt like the only good choice in the room. She’s at an age where I think she’ll start remembering how and when her parents show up for her, root for her, and make space for her learning. So in that sense, it’s a real privilege to be able to take a few hours off work to cheer for her on the track, seeing who she’s growing into.

As for how my exhaustion showed up in other ways, the recipes linked below I suspect tell a very clear story.